The Art of Letting Go with Love
How Moken Got Her Groove Back
We all yearn for a "happily ever after," but what happens when that fairy tale doesn't unfold as expected? The ending of a relationship can be brutal. However, an unhappy ending rarely comes without warning. Contentious fights, waning attraction, and a million seemingly insignificant things start to bother you more than ever. These challenges inevitably lead to the painful reality of a breakup.
However, my last "ending" was the type of ending you don't see coming. Which made it that much harder to accept.
When Fantasy Meets Reality
The year was 2019. I was blissfully entangled in an 8-week situationship. We were both newly single—he was 24, and I was 29—living a real-life version of How Stella Got Her Groove Back. Like the film, our story unfolded in my island home of Jamaica, incensed with Indica and sensual reggae music as the backdrop.
Before I knew it, like Stella, I kindled an unexpected romance that crossed generational lines. I allowed myself to get lost in the passion and the possibility. But as the Jamaicans would say, "Hurry bird nuh build good nest." And it crumbled as quickly as it started. Â
Letting Go With Love
Though the chemistry was undeniable, I knew we weren't meant for the long term. When it ended abruptly, I found myself heartbroken and searching for answers.
I realized that letting go with love was the best way to handle my sadness. I feel emotions very deeply and struggle with setting clear boundaries for expressing my feelings in a healthy way. I hadn't quite figured out how to avoid becoming consumed by the idea of falling in love.
As I assumed the role of being the architect of my healing journey, I started to explore what letting go with love looked like. Here's what I've discovered so far:
You Must Commit to Daily Letting Go: You must commit to letting go each day, which means going no-contact. Unfortunately, letting go of someone you care deeply for isn't something you can achieve in one fell swoop. It's a daily practice. You learn to let go whenever a friend mentions their name, or someone asks why you aren't dating. You learn to let go when you watch the season finale of your favourite show alone and don't message them about your thoughts. You learn to let go when you realize that you're moving closer to being okay again each day. One thing that has consistently helped me is using a habit tracker to track the days I haven't contacted them. You know you've moved on when you no longer need to track the days.
Respect Their Path: Most people aren't trying to hurt you. Sometimes, in making the right decision for themselves, you may get hurt in the process. Respecting that we're all on a journey to build a life that makes us happy makes it easier to understand when someone makes a choice that doesn't include you. The greatest act of love you can offer is to give them exactly what they want. Be grateful for the time you shared and make room for the next lesson life brings your way.
Embrace Radical Self-Love: You better love yourself *wags finger fervently*. I mean, really love yourself. I'm not talking about booking a mani/pedi or a day at the spa. Invest in practical self-love through tangible action steps that will improve your well-being in the long term, such as eating a wholesome breakfast. Start small; the more consistently you show up for yourself, the more confidence you will gain over time.
Honour Your Own Healing Journey:Â Â We all have baggage, and sometimes that baggage causes us to display parts of ourselves that aren't great. Discovering where these cracks are is the first step in the healing process. Take time to understand your feelings and actions; don't rush the process. Don't be too hard on yourself if you aren't moving on as quickly as you'd like.
Focus on Your Own Growth: "Keep your eyes on your own paper" reminds you to focus on your actions and responsibilities. Blaming others for problems is common, but reflecting on your part in a situation is more productive. Take responsibility and think about how you can handle similar situations better in the future.
Choose Love Over Resentment: Even if someone is no longer a part of your life, you can still choose to hold love for them. This decision can help you release bitterness and move forward with peace and compassion.
The Power of Love in Healing
I tend to be very hard on myself during these times. I want to move on swiftly and painlessly, but healing is rarely straightforward. It's a cyclical journey that can be incredibly painful. Yet, infusing it with love—both for yourself and the other person—can make the process more bearable. Love has a remarkable power to heal, even in the darkest moments.
Was there a time you thought you’d never get over someone?How did you finally let go? Share your story in the comments, and let's continue to learn from each other.
Joyfully,
Moken Marsai
P.S. Thank you for reading Becoming Moken! If my story resonates with you and you feel moved to support my journey, consider leaving a love offering. While Becoming Moken is free for now, your contributions help sustain my healing process and enable me to create even more content. Your support is truly a blessing and a tangible way to share the love.
This is so true most people are not trying to hurt us! It is a good thing to keep in mid when we are tying to meet new people.