Why I Ended Things with the Love of My Life
A Six Year Post Break Up Reflection
Six years ago this month, I said goodbye to the man I thought I would marry. I drank him in one the last time as we clung to each other that September night. His essence was a unique perfume that comforted me in my darkest days. Now, I’d soon only be left with remnants of its existence. My tears soaked his t-shirt as they streamed out of me. They formed confusing pathways on my cheeks, much like our complicated fourteen-year journey together.
A complex love, that’s what we had. Our relationship was like a drug that neither of us could quit; no more than a few months in rehab before one or both of us relapsed. Throughout the years, we meandered in and out of each other’s lives on an emotional rollercoaster. No time apart seemed to shift how intense our feelings were, always picking up right where we left off. But as I held him close that night, I felt finality in the air. Our story had come to an end. I had learned the lessons I needed to move forward to the love I desired to co-create.
One thing they don’t tell you when a relationship of this magnitude ends is how many stories will forever include your then significant other. Etched in my memories, I can never erase our history. The woman I was will always exist within the context of the years I spent loving him.
I walked away from a person I loved deeply, and six years later, it’s one of the best decisions I’ve made. I found not just peace but power in the lessons—lessons that taught me my worth doesn’t depend on someone else’s love. I accepted that though he was my first love, he wouldn’t be my last.
Being single these past six years has opened my world in ways I’m so grateful for. I rediscovered myself as an artist and moved into my own art studio. A place where I can paint, sing, dance and be. I own my voice as a writer, allowing my writing to be an honest expression of my self-exploration. I have built the most beautiful friendships and deepened my existing relationships. I took charge of my health and realigned with my purpose. I’ve found a deep sense of self-love and acceptance for the life I’m creating.
Sometimes, we allow fear of the unknown to keep us in situations that no longer serve us. For me, it was a fourteen-year on-and-off relationship. It was toxic, but I didn’t love myself enough to move forward when I knew it was time for it to end. For you, it might be a job that drains you or a childhood friendship that no longer aligns with your values.
I desperately wanted our love to work because I believed that if it did, it would mean that I was, in fact, worthy of love. Back then, I chased love, hoping it would lead me to wholeness. Now, I choose myself, and I am assured that this is more than enough. I am untethered and free to create a life that feels entirely mine.
This journey has taken me to unexpected places and found deep happiness. Only when I let go of who I was could I make room for who I was meant to be. Our relationship gave me the gift of contrast; I am forever grateful for that. My life is full and fulfilling, and I’m looking forward to the adventures the next chapter has in store for me.
To anyone clinging to a past that no longer aligns with who you are, I encourage you to trust your inner knowing. The best is yet to come.
Have you ever stayed in a place, relationship, or mindset way past its expiration date? Share your success stories of letting go in the comments; it may help someone who needs to hear it.
P.S. Thank you for reading Becoming Moken! If my story resonates with you and you feel moved to support my journey, consider leaving a love offering. While Becoming Moken is free for now, your contributions help sustain my healing process and enable me to create even more content. Your support is truly a blessing and a tangible way to share the love.
“Sometimes, we allow fear of the unknown to keep us in situations that no longer serve us.” <— the crux of it. Thank you for sharing
I could feel your ache from so long ago while reading this. This part stuck out: I accepted that though he was my first love, he wouldn’t be my last.
There’s so much power in moving on to allow what’s meant for you a place to land.
Thank you for sharing something so vulnerable. I can relate as I stayed in relationship too long fearing nothing better would ever reach me.
I’m glad I was wrong.